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Proof is in the pudding

Proof is in the pudding, as they say. My leave from work was declined due to lack of medical evidence. So I need to provide more 'evidence'.

I say the proof is in the facts. The very fact I have actually had migraines since I was 20 and chronic for most of that time. I have actually had leaves for this exact same thing. And a long term leave. And clearly substantial evidence for it. Clearly I have been unable to work. And I have over the decades done so many multiple treatments that I am considered intractable. Done them more than once. Mixed them together. Only an idiot would doubt the evidence at this point in time. I mean, really. If you simply look back in the records it is all laid out. Seriously, it is really ridiculous.

I get it. Insurance company. They don't like to pay money to people with actual disabilities. Sucks to be me, with a chronic pain condition that has gotten to the point of being unmanageable. Because it is chronic pain. You have to somehow prove that you have crossed that line from 'holy hell this is agony but I think I can somehow function a little bit' to 'holy hell I think I would rather just die'. It is a fine line. On one side, maybe you can manage part-time. On the other, yeah, work isn't feasible. Where is that nudge of proof though? Oh, yes, the suicide attempts might have been a slight indication the pain was getting the best of me. Hmm. Yes, that might be when I crossed that line. Maybe the depression alone might be a sign my pain is getting pretty complicated to deal with. I don't really think proof should be that I actually die. I don't think that seems all that logical to me. It made more sense to me to go on a leave when the suicidal ideation was getting to that peak point again and the pain was getting to that non-functional point, as evidence of my actual performance at work suggested. I don't think someone should have to die just to say 'told you that wasn't working. I couldn't handle the pain after all. There is your 'proof''. There really ought to be a line Before that line. Some sort of 'evidence' they will accept that says hey that person is Actually in a butt-load of actual pain that actually interferes with her Entire life, including her capacity to function at Any job.

I honestly do not know what they want for proof. I'll get my doc to send them the MRI that shows the lesions on my brain... which develop from having migraines a long time, chronic migraines and are prone with migraines with aura. It is proof of migraines, and chronic migraines at that. If they have the knowledge base to research it and know that. I will give them the neuro letters I have. I'll get the pain clinic to write up my current treatment. I'll get my doc to request something from my psychologist.

Fuck if I know if any of it will help. Proving pain is a damn hard thing to do. And it isn't just the migraines. It is the FM. The fatigue. The nausea. The goddamned depression.They are not separate. They all affect Me. They are all intertwined. I think my doc put me on leave from migraines but she should have put me on leave from Migraines, FM and depression. They all roll together to create serious problems. Depression being the obvious one. The more pain I am in, the more severely depression and suicidal I become. When I work I am in significantly more pain, so I get significantly more depressed with much more suicidal ideation. It is a problem.

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