Review: PillDrill

"I have been given this product as part of a product review through the Chronic Illness Bloggers network. Although the product was a gift, all opinions in this review remain my own and I was in no way influenced by the company. "

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I have been trying out the PillDrill for a bit now and I have to say I wanted to review it right of the get-go because it is pretty awesome. But I thought, give it time and see how it works for me over time to see if there are long-term benefits. Because I must say I was very impressed quite quickly. Just opening for someone with a chronic illness was like opening a toy at Christmas. You just know this will be awesome.


So let me start by going over the basics of the system. In the picture above you see a pill box with days of the week. It comes with four rows for times of the day you take medication; I use three of the rows currently. The system alarms when it is time to take your dose and your take out that day's little capsule and scan it. Done. It has tracked that you have taken your dose for the day.

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In this shot, I am taking an 'as needed' medication. In this case my migraine triptan. You can see around the package is wrapped a tag. 'R' for Relpax, but I could have chosen any letter. And when I use one of my as needed medications I just scan it into the system. So that it tracks how many times I have in fact used it.

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This is the mood cube. It is used to track your moods.

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This is what it looks like in the app itself. You can see when I am using my 'as needed' Zofran and Tramacet on this one.

Setting up/changes
This system had easy to follow instructions on how to set it up. I was done quite quickly. It shows you how to get all the as needed meds done. How to hook it up. How to set the schedule. It is, in fact, easy to change the schedule which I have tried out. I really had no issues with the setup. It is easy to change. You can assign a time schedule to an entire row at a time or a specific pod if there is a day with a different time... I adjusted the weekend morning medication time for example.

Advantages
  • No more erratically taking my pills. Usually, my spouse was my reminded but sometimes he wouldn't remind me and then at night I would realize I hadn't taken Any of my pills All day and would have to take them all at once. Which would impact my morning since some of them I take specifically in the early evening to reduce grogginess. Not to mention some are specifically for morning. But also just right at specific times. I was all over the place with my times. And I wanted to take them within a certain frame. So this has me on a perfect routine.
  • I can tell how many times I have taken my as-needed medications. I can only take my triptan 2X a week. Well damn if you can always remember how many times you have taken it. This tells me exactly when I have taken it. I can also monitor my nausea levels from how many times I take my anti-nausea med. And monitor how many times I take my tramacet which is for top over amounts of pain... definitely can see when that is bad but this too must be carefully monitored because too often could cause rebound headaches with the migraines.
  • No more forgetting if I have taken something. I had a pill sorter so this is the same as that, I know that I have taken something because the spot is gone. Without a pill sorter, I do not have that and have been known to question if I took my meds at all. Man, that has been a problem in the past with sleeping pills. Take it and then forget that I even took it. Take another. The difference being clearly this tells me when to take them and I don't have to look myself, so takes out any error having to take them all if I forget to look.
  • Peace of mind. I really do not have to worry about if I took my meds or taking them at the right time because it is reminding me to. It provides consistency to the whole system.
  • I like the mood monitoring since I a) have depression and b) have bad sensitivities to medications that can affect my mood regulation. So it is important to monitor my mood. In general, it is important for chronic pain management so I know what I need to do for self-care that day if I am struggling. You can set up a schedule for a mood check, to remind yourself to just pay attention to that for yourself.
  • Caregivers: This one isn't for me but it is a massive benefit. You can set the whole system up for someone else entirely and have it send notifications to your phone as well. So you know when someone you are caregiving for is taking their medications as scheduled and when they miss a dose. That to me is a very important benefit.
  • The pill pods are portable. So I know I have a dose at 2:30 but I have an appointment at 2:00 in the city? I just take the pod out with me and when the phone reminder comes in I go into the app, click on the notification and mark as complete so it knows I took my dose. This is because the Pilldrill reminds me at home with an alarm but it also reminds me on my phone.
I cannot express how much I value this system for making my life easier. With chronic illness and pain comes a lot of fatigue, mental grogginess, and brainfog. I'm not the best at maintaining a routine with medication. However, we all know it is important we do so. I really love it. The PillDrill is a perfect system for someone like me and also for caregivers.


Migraine World Summit coming next month



The summit is free to join. It gets together a bunch of experts on a variety of topic lectures for us to check out. It was Awesome last year. I recommend anyone to check it out with migraines.

Lack of reliability and disability

I can't work anymore. I feel so useless. And no longer productive to society. What value do I have_ Who am I now_.jpg
There is this lack of dependability and reliability that comes with being incapable of working. You prove it by trying and failing. Sometimes over and over again as I did. And failing and destroying your self-worth while you are at it. 

So you have to understand you can't do it. And you will the void in whatever way that you can. 

But some of us have no money to substitute the lost income. We are trying to find ways. Applying for disability. Or trying to find maybe something we can do from home... that we are not even sure we can do either, because we doubt it would be any different. We are stuck in limbo. Worried all the time about money. And what to do about it. And how to survive when we cannot work and we cannot survive not working.  We suffer financially and don't know what to do about it. I personally have doubts I can do any work at all given my lack of dependability and reliability due to the variable nature of migraines and fibromyalgia combined. And I don't want to fail again. That crushes me. But depending on the government known for moving very slow is hard to do... when you worry about next month and the month after that. 

It is the place many of us fall under. Cannot work. And waiting on some income source which we are not guaranteed so there is a massive amount of uncertainty in our future. I can't say it is easy for any of us. Sometimes, in the end, it doesn't work out either and we slip through the cracks in the system. Left to struggle to survive. 

We are the minority, the disabled, that few care about and there is so much stigma against us as well. We are struggling so hard to make an income that is hard to sustain oneself on Because we have failed at work, that we struggled to maintain anyway, but failed hard. We could not do it. No matter what we did. Even changing roles. Or going part-time. Nothing worked. We were not productive, functional, reliable or dependable. It is the last choice to go on disability, not the first, second or third. The last. And maybe a short-term plan until you think of something you can do. 

But the process. It can be brutally long. Or simple and short. And no one knows where they will fall. Or how they will live until that point. 

That uncertainty is brutal.

What to do working with chronic pain

When I make to work with chronic pain I feel victory or like a superhero. When I call in sick though... I feel worthless and like a failure..jpg
I and my employer at the time when I was younger were prime examples of what not to do for people with chronic pain in the workforce. I pushed through. They gave ultimatums, demoted me, threatened to demote me and much more horrible things. So what is the way to go about it?

In the beginning, this is the way it should go:

Employer: What can we do to accommodate you? Ergonomically correct furniture, keyboard or desk? Let's call HR and get them to send someone to do an assessment and then make your office the best working space possible for you.

You: What can you bring from your own self-care to the office to help you at work cope? Can you bring an aromatherapy diffuser for your office? Can you find a space to meditate on breaks? Can you where migraine tint glasses? Can you do stretches on your breaks? Can you bring magnesium oil or other balms for use at work?

When you are not coping well,

You: Need to assess whether working full-time is working for you or not. If not, what can be done about it? Do you want a different role? Do you want reduced hours? Flex hours. Work from home if possible. You really need to assess your wants and desire and your actual capacity.

Employer: Once you have decided on your capacity you have a talk with your employer about your work capacity and come to some mutually beneficial solution. In the US they have a program that helps with partial working hours. They do not in Canada. 

In the end, my decision was part-time. But certainly, my history wasn't like this. 12 years no accommodations. More than a few demotions. Ultimatums and veiled threats. Not a good time for me to remember really. Horrible manager. But you can see how the process should be. It is possible to make our work environment as comfortable as possible for the maintenance things we do for pain at home to be able to do them at work.

Be more cat

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I feel lethargic and tired. I need a nap. Oh, wait, I'm a cat. I can take a nap! Humans, you should be more cat-like then you would be so stressed and hairless.1.png


Be more cat. And nap. They know what they are doing. Nap when they need to and, clearly, they have no guilt about resting. 

They play when they want to play, and never feel guilty about having leisure time. 

Although, very much like us they are very stoic when in pain and you can never tell that they are. But they are better at self-care than we are, man. They got it Down.

And when they give me snuggles I know they make me feel a whole lot better. They are magic that way. Snugglebuts.

I shall be more cat and nap when I need to, I think. And drop the guilt.

Rhodiola rosea: my fatigue brain

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  • By Hedwig Storch (own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

  • I have been using the supplement Rhodiola for fatigue and mental fatigue. What I can say is that the research is great for fatigue. I can also say that at my dose of 105mg I do see the benefits to it, but I believe it would be better twice a day. It seems to help after I take it for a certain duration and then I slump again. Although, with both fibromyalgia and migraines I can see why I would need an additional boost. Nevertheless, it is noticeable which is rare for supplements. 

    Research suggests that it significantly reduces fatigue. And that in people who are fatigued helps with cognition issues, related to the fatigue... in other words, clears up the mental fatigue cloud. For a daily preventative of fatigue, it can be beneficial in as low a dose as 50 mg. "Rhodiola can improve cognitive functioning in persons who experience a reduction in fatigue, but there is insufficient evidence to support an outright increase in cognition (which should occur in non-fatigued persons)" Examine.com
     
    In one study: "The study was carried out on a highly uniform population comprising 161 cadets aged from 19 to 21 years. All groups were found to have very similar initial data, with no significant difference with regard to any parameter. The study showed a pronounced antifatigue effect reflected in an antifatigue index defined as a ratio called AFI. The verum groups had AFI mean values of 1.0385 and 1.0195, 2 and 3 capsules respectively, whilst the figure for the placebo group was 0.9046. This was statistically highly significant (p < 0.001) for both doses (verum groups), whilst no significant difference between the two dosage groups was observed. There was a possible trend in favour of the lower dose in the psychometric tests"





    Blogger has new Themes

    I have been changing the theme. Then again. And again. Trying out new themes when I found out my old one wasn't converting well to other screens. So needed a new one. And then they came out with New ones. I was eyeing up three of them.

    This is the winner. Maybe. I will see how it rolls. Tell me if you like it.

    Children and Migraines




    Presentation courtesy of Diamond Headache Clinic.


    As the slideshow above indicates children can present differently with migraines. It can present as Abdominal Migraines, for example. Even when migraines run in your family it can be easy to miss the indications of a child having signs of Abdominal Migraines, unless you yourself experienced the same thing as a child.

    It is difficult to diagnose as well and is based on medical history, migraines in the family and a process of elimination.

    Treatment is also a complicated issue since we are dealing with children. It is definitely something that is considered carefully and is very dependent on frequency and age. For older children, who do get them frequently, they are treated with the same preventatives as other migraines.

    A study at the University of Alabama in Mobile found that migraines in children didn’t last as long as they did in adults. The pain in kids appears to occur rapidly, become intense quickly and typically last between one hour and three days. Children more often had pain all over their heads, instead of on one side – which is more common in adults. Young people also complain of abdominal pain and motion sickness – which might be a sign of abdominal migraine in children. Abdominal migraine, often a precursor to migraines, happens frequently in toddlers, children and teenagers. Migraine.com 

    So in general, that is what we are looking for prevalence of childhood migraines. Often, there is indications of family history. Sometimes the migraines will stop and then reoccur in life. However, I have heard a lot of stories of people starting in childhood and never stopping. For myself, I don't know if I had indications of childhood migraine. It is undiagnosed quite often. I did have issues with motion sickness. And headaches. Motion sickness studies have shown in children can lead to migraines later on as well, which I suspect is the case with me. My brother had migraines and cluster headaches younger than me from what I recall.

    What it is like to have effective depression medication

    is an insidious beast


    First I would like to point out it isn't always easy to find effective depression medication or even at all. It can be complex and not responsive to medication. Depression in some cases can be far more severe than mine and much more difficult to treat. In my case, I cannot take antidepressants because I am sensitive to them which leads to suicidal thoughts and actions... which is sort of counterproductive really.

    But when you do find effective medication it is pretty amazing really. I can literally tell when I would usually be in a major dive and I am just Not. It takes away the deep dives. Which are certainly the most frightening aspect of this depression. Deep dives are when I do have suicidal thoughts. Not to mention a lot less suicidal ideation, period. Coming from someone with chronic pain that is a major boon. High pain would plummet my mood and spike suicidal ideation. One would think the depression was directly pain related, but it was more a trigger. I was told it was Major Depressive Disorder that they had initially thought of as depression associated with chronic illness. And I was saturated in the depression and until I had the medication I had no idea just how much it was actually affecting me. Like I said, I can tell when I encounter a certain stressor that I am not reacting the way I would normally. No massive slippery slope reasoning into a pit of despair. No plummets into that deep dark hole, that just happen really but certainly happened in high pain bouts. Ironically, I rather think this is a normal response to pain all the time. But apparently not. Literally, for years I said to myself it was perfectly normal to feel the way I was because of the pain... I mean, who wouldn't? 

    Lost Day, self-care and high pain

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    Today was a lost day. Days consumed by pain where functionality is lost and nothing gets done. Just a wasted day it seems to me. And I often wonder how many days get lost to the pain. Better not to ever have that question answered really.

    It is our days of self-care.

    But today I sort of just melted into the couch. Even now the pain has such an edge to it I really don't feel too intent on even distracting myself. Feel more like curling up into a ball sounds like a fine plan of action. 

    So fine. Maybe I should curl up into a ball. Put some ice on my head. Get some aromatherapy for my nausea going. Just relax into something that requires no brain effort at all, like watching some Netflix. With my Axon migraine specs on because I am having some serious light issues right now. 

    I have been tracking my everyday progress because my psychologist wants me to. It is a way to show what you accomplish each day, track your exercise and set some sort of goal for the next day as well as my gratitude journal. It actually makes you feel like you do accomplish at lease Something every day. And makes you think of some sort of Goal for the next day. So I like doing it. So today was null and void. It happens. It in no Way diminishes my other days. I exercised a Whole 23 Minutes yesterday. And I felt like that was pretty massive for me. Not being able to exercise at all today doesn't mean it wasn't a major achievement for me. I got out of the house yesterday and ran an errand, again, this is pretty good considering how I have been doing. I promised I would get out more. I am trying to do so. Checked that box off yesterday. Just because I couldn't do anything today, at all, shouldn't make me feel bad, or guilty, or unless or worthless. It is just a bad day. We will have bad days. Non-functional and intolerable pain days. Just refuse to allow yourself to be guilty about them. 

    And try to do some self-care to manage and cope with it.

    Like I will do now. Since I was so mindlessly out of it today from the pain I just wasn't on the ball with the self-care.

    Maybe do some meditation tonight. Here is my mantra. 
     

    Eternal frustration with Insurance

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    I'm at a point where I am unable to fathom what to do with my insurance company. Clearly, I am chronically ill. Clearly, I was on long term for it. I returned to work and it didn't work. I went down to part time, it didn't work. My doctor and psychologist wanted me back on long term. My insurance company wouldn't go for that and said it had to be short term... and apparently, despite to fact I was literally just on long term for the exact same thing denies there is evidence for it.

    My doctor and psychologist essentially put it this way. I cannot work outside of the house. And I should try to find a work from home position. So the idea was go on leave from my current position and use that income until I found a replacement, which is a little difficult to find in Canada... easier in the States. However, what I have done instead is go into a lot of debt and borrowed a lot of money because my insurance company will Not cover me... due to lack of 'evidence'. 

    I am applying for cpp disability to compensate. They allow you to work some on it if I only find a little work. Or if I cannot find something right away. Problem is that is not something people generally get right away. Often like in the US with government disability they tend to decline off the get-go because they can and then lawyers have to be involved and it is a big freaking thing. 

    Obviously, getting an online job would be perfect for me right now. Clearly, that is what I am looking for. And I have been applying for them.

    5 mistakes we make with chronic illness

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    In the beginning, we make some mistakes with chronic illness. Then we often repeat those mistakes later on. I have made so many of them because I am stubborn and like to learn the hard way
    1. Ignoring our mental health- this is a big one. We have say chronic pain or some other illness and we ignore the mental health issue. We feel we can 'handle it' on our own. Some of us may think it is a weakness and we have to deal with it ourselves. Some of us are ashamed of it. While others are afraid of all the stigma associated with it or the doctor stigma. This is if your chronic illness isn't in this category, of course.
    2. Not pacing- We do the Boom and Bust causing us more pain than if we paced all the time. We feel this Need to be productive on good days and overextend ourselves. It is like we feel guilty for all we don't do on bad days and have to compensate on good days. Yet it hurts us to do this. If we pace all the time our pain is more level all the time.
    3. We guilt- We feel guilty about things that are not our fault and we can do nothing about. We feel guilty we are ill. That we cannot accomplish as much as we used to be able to. That we are not as productive. That we do not make as much money as we used to. We feel guilty about a lot. When we should accept our lives as they are now. Guilt comes from this discord of our lives as they are now and our mental comparison to how our lives should be. We need to live in the present.
    4. We stop doing things- we stop doing things like hobbies or socializing to be able to do more of the things we consider to be necessary. However, doing this can affect mood. Because the things we stop are often the things that are important for our mood. Socializing and being around people we like... good for the mood. Hobbies also good for the mood. We cut these things because they are valued less. We feel that if we do all the necessary things we are still 'productive' by socialites standards. We often cut away all the things that are beneficial to our wellbeing.
    5. Compare- We compare ourselves to our past selves. We compare ourselves to other men and women who are healthy. We compare our progress to others with similar conditions. Comparisons to our past healthy selves and other healthy people is a horrible thing to do, as we will never live up to that. Comparing ourselves to someone else's progress is a bit better, being apples and apples, but everyone progresses differently and we have to understand each of us is different. The only comparison to make is to yourself and your immediate history. Are You making progress and what you should change. 
    6. Ignoring symptoms- I am guilty of all these but in particular this one. We ignore symptoms we think might go away, are not important enough to worry about or are just wanting to 'see'. We do not want to trouble our doctor with 'too much'. Or seen as hypochondriacs. Or just mentioning things of no consequence. But they could be. They could be important. We don't know. I suggest listing these and giving them to your doctor and let her decide if they are important or not.

    I am sure I have made more than this, more than once. In the beginning, denial was my favourite which led to a lot of issues. 

    This isn't the easy road

    I am awesome as is.I rock my chronic illness selfAnd I don;t need to validate it to you.I need to live the best life that I can..png 


    So two roads diverged in the road. And my body took the hard road. It made all the difference. I would have said 'Hey, look at that easy road... let's check that one out.' But Noooo, it wanted a different path.

    So chronic illness isn't the easy road. I don't have to tell you that.
    There about 801 things we do to 'maintain' our chronic illness selves.



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    And still we struggle. I know I do. It is the pain. It is a difficult thing to cope with. I can't function working with it. I get severely depressed at times. Suicidal even, because I want the pain to end. And still I try. Still I do my 801 things and try to maintain. Because although I want the pain that will never end to end, I don't want to cease to be. Not really. I want to cease suffering.

    And yeah I rock my chronic illness self. I am still here. I am still trying. I am still trying new things. I try new ways to cope. I fight the good fight. I have kept my sense of humour.

    I don't need to validate my pain to anyone. Or what I do or don't do for my illness. No, what I need to do, the only thing I NEED to do...is live the best life I can with the best quality of life and the least amount of suffering possible. That is the goal.

    We have a hard path and on this path we need to be selfish with our self-care. We need to get the best quality of life we Can and try to sustain it. We need to decrease our suffering any way we can and maintain it. We need to live the best we can with a bad health situation. And it is damn hard work. I know my quality of life right now is a tad low. And I am suffering a lot of pain. It is difficult. And I have to figure out a way to make it manageable. Not working helps a little, but I have to figure out the rest.

    Stay Awesome. Stay yourself. Don't let yourself diminish under the weight of the illness. Find ways to express who you are every day. Fine one thing that improves your wellbeing every day. Like reading  a book is just for me and it calms me down and improves my wellbeing.

    Know that everything you do off that 801 things we do, is for your wellbeing and quality of health. It is a routine and a habit to gain you more in coping, life, wellbeing, socializing, mood. Unlike others on that easy path. We have a lot of work that needs to be done to just Be.

    Fibromyalgia and Opiates for pain: Helpful or hindering?



    Fibromyalgia and Opiates for pain: Helpful or hindering?





    There has been a study published in the Journal of Pain from Australia that might suggest opiates may cause increased sensitivity in some types of pain.  The study had the patients who have chronic pain and hyperalgesia, which is that intense response to pain, we also see in fibromyalgia.  They were taking methadone and morphine for the study.



    Hyperalgesia is an increased pain response such that more pain is felt than dictated by the stimulus or injury would suggest.  It can be specific to an area of the body or widespread.  It can be seen with some inflammatory conditions, with some nerve damage situations and it is also a main feature of fibromyalgia.  It is quite commonly associated with long-term use of opiate medications so it is not surprising this study likewise had similar results.



    "A second finding showed that similar nociceptive profiles are found in chronic pain patients treated with methadone. Third, the study showed that pain sensitivity associated with methadone administration also is found in morphine-treated patients. According to the authors, the study demonstrated that hyperalgesia but not allydonia is associated with the long-term administration of opioids." Source





    In many cases, opiate based medications, such as Percocet (oxycodone) are not as effective for people with fibromyalgia and a more effective treatment are the medications acting on the brain neurotransmitters themselves.  Lyrica and Gabapentin are anticonvulsants which by affecting certain neurotransmitters try to dampen the pain signals and decrease pain where it is in fact starting.  Fibromyalgia is brain pain and medications that focus on the brain have a better chance of treating that pain.  Other medications that aim specifically at FM are Cymbalta and Savella which are antidepressants used to affect the serotonin neurotransmitter, often found to be lower in FM patients.  However, some people do take them for pain management so this will be a concern if it, in fact, increases their sensitivity to pain over time.  In the cases, where pain medications are used it might be something to be used in moderation and careful consideration.

    It should be noted this risk factor occurs with all chronic pain and is a low risk. When it occurs the patient is switched to another opiate. It should also be noted Tramadol is in the guidelines for treatment as it is one that has been studied as effective for fibromyalgia pain. 

    This is a reprint of the study I had published on a site that is gone, so putting it up again. As I said, this is a risk factor for all people using opiates. It does run the risk of causing hyperalgesia and this study doesn't indicate if the risk is greater with FM. However, my previous research into this effect suggests it isn't a common reaction at all. Typically the patient is simply switched medication. There have been little studies on FM and opiates and the studies Minimal to make any conclusions about. Mostly on Tramadol, which is seen as acceptable and is in the guidelines for treatment. 



    Here’s the problem with this type of blanket statements: these recommendations are based on the results of only a few small studies showing they were ineffective for fibromyalgia pain. Since no large trials have been done, the recommendations against opiate use for fibromyalgia are based on data from less than 100 subjects! Also, these small studies only looked at patients taking opiates every day for pain, and we know that daily, long term use of opiates does result in negative side effects and diminishing medication benefit over time. None of these small studies assessed the most successful use of pain medications, which is when they are taken just as needed for flares. National Pain Report

    So take it with a grain of salt. But know doctors will resist the idea based on these very little studies.

    Confession Part two: Chronic illness

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    I wrote a post called Confessions of a person with Chronic Pain. This is the follow up. Confessions of people with chronic illness. I'm getting some fellow bloggers to chip in.
    1. Confession: I eat nausea medication like candy just so I can function.- mini2z
    2. Confession: I want to starve myself. Food causes me pain, nausea, and limits my activities. I just don't have the willpower. Life's a Polyp
    3. Confession: When the symptoms of my illness flare up I retreat into my own little world of Self Care & preservation. I spend the day (or days)in bed, conserving energy and pampering my tired body. Once I feel that my body is in a "safe, comforting" space I retreat and slip into denial (or distraction- whatever you want to call it) by reading silly trashy magazines or watching bad reality tv shows. It reminds me that there is a humorous side to life... (as I watch hours of keeping up with the Kardashians). It also fights against the anxiety of my current physical condition.The Invisible Warrior
    4. Confession: I have faced death twice, once quickly and once slowly. The first time I didn't believe that I would die. The second time I begged whoever was out there to let me live, as I was afraid to die. If I were to face death a third time however, I might just embrace it. A Chronic Voice
    5. Confession: While I try to remain positive, I sometimes find it almost impossible. Due to sensory overload and my mental health, I will throw full on temper tantrums (falling to the floor and bawling) and start screaming "I don't want to manage this life anymore." Sometimes, it'll take me hours to recover from that. Luckily, my husband knows a few ways to help me through the temper tantrums... but it's super embarrassing to still throw full on temper tantrums at age 27. Finding Life's Silver Sun
    6. Confession: I sometimes wonder what it would be like if I only had one chronic illness to manage. In reality, I know that many many people live with multiple chronic illnesses, but it doesn't make it any less frustrating on a day to day basis! Zebra Writes
    7. Confession: I have ambition and desires to work but when I do I fail to be productive from the pain, fatigue and cognitive issues and eventually the depression makes me feel even worse. Trying and failing over the years has battered my self-worth to near nill.
    8. Confession: The relentless nausea and lack of appetite make me just not enjoy or want to eat. I worry I am starving because I don't seem to eat enough, but I can't tolerate food.
    9. Confession: There are times I try everything I can to maintain my health and other times I get so very tired of trying and just... stop for a bit. Because I am so fatigued.
    10. Confession: Sometimes I just want to be left alone. I don't want to face the world. I just want to hide from everything. And maybe all my problems will fix themselves while I just hide for a while.

    I would love to just redirect you to the new site...

    But sadly the redirect function doesn't function. I will continue to persist hitting it and see if it will eventually do something. Or s...